So, a few days ago i posted an entry about relationships and how on my view the foundation to a healthy relationship are openness and understanding. That entry was inspired in large part by a book i finished reading recently. The book is I am not myself these days, by Josh Kilmer-Purcell.

The book is the author's autobiographical story, a junior exec at an ad a NY ad agency by day and a drag queen by night. Aqua(disiac) -the drag queen's name- falls in love with a high roller male escort whose clients were, among others, a CEO for a 500 company who would pay $20k to spend the weekend bound naked on the hustler's floor of his upper east side apartment, surviving only on a bowl of water and a plate of coke. (not the soft drink)

Kilmer-Purcell narrates how he came to fall in love with the male prostitute and how they hosted thanksgiving dinner for a bevy of drag queens, escorts and their callers. He describes the shenanigans that would go on when they both decided to "party."

But what i found most interesting in the book is how "normal" their relationship was, after you take away the drugs, alcohol and sex for pay of course. At the end of the day, they're just two people in love trying to be together.

I highly recommend it

Thankful

Someone said today that the small things are the ones to be most thankful for. A good cup cup of coffee in the morning, a nice paceful drive to a playlist you enjoy, dinner or drinks with friends and good conversation, the effusive welcome given to me by this little guy...

So, when I thinks about those people lined up outside a store to save a couple of hundred dollars in things that they most likely don't need and that for sure won't make their lifes richer, well I just don't understand it.

So, next time you're amongst friends or family, take a moment to look around and take in the moment, give thanks for those people being in your life and c

arry on.

My nephew's laughter and big embrace are surely worth a lot more than whatever money I could save on a large tv.

relationships...

So, what do you want in a relationship, asked my friend. To what i replied, well to me the definition of a healthy and successful relationship is that in which both parties' need and desires are met in equal amounts. I make you happy, you make me happy. Now I know that this balance is pretty hard to keep and this is where compromises come into play. The trick is to know how much you are willing to compromise without feeling like the balance is being tipped over.

What about monogamy, he inquired. Do you think that it is a must in order to having a healthy relationship. No, i do not find monogamy to be the key for a healthy relationship, I said. By my previous definition, a relationship is an agreement between two people who've decided to share their lives in whatever shape or form they feel meets their needs.

This is why i find openness to be one of the key elements in a relationship in order to keep that balance that will allow for the relationship to move in a healthy path.

Now, I should clarify. For me, monogamy is a must in my relationships. I want to have a connection with one person that will be enough to satisfy all my needs. Now I know not everyone feels the same and this is why I can understand why some people would what to go the other route.

Maine setback

There's no question about it, the gay rights movement has suffered and enormous setback this week when Maine rejected the state's new law allowing same sex couples to marry.

It is especially disappointing because this took place in New England, the region that has been most accepting of gay marriage. But what's most troubling to me is that this is the 31th time that voters have denied gay couples the rights that heterosexual couples enjoy. That is every single ballot measure has been denied to us. The only advances the gay right's movement has seen have been through legislation and court rulings.

What does this say about our society? Why is it that we reject what we don't understand instead or taking the time to find out we're really not all that different?

But i guess the most important question we have to ask ourselves is, where do we go from here? how do we get traction for our movement?

I wish i had the answer. Someone told me today that ignorance cant govern forever. So i guess what we can do as individuals is to continue to live our lives in the pursue of happiness, as one of the founding fathers asked of us. Let's show them with actions that we are not the demise of society.

Let's keep reminding them that in a democracy the majority cannot continue to rule over the minority rights.

new start

so, part of my grand scheme on moving on is to find a new place of residence. I am not just talking about a new place, I actually want to leave AZ. For a long time i thought that NYC was my next stop, I am not so sure now that that'll be the case.

I mean, there's plenty of reasons why I'd like to live there, but at the same time i think i should look into different options. Two of the other cities that have sparked my interest are Seattle and Portland. I think a trip to the NW part of the country will be definitely in order.

I've only been once to Portland and even though my visit wasn't for more than 32 hrs, i really liked what i saw and I have always wanted to go back. Seattle I've never been to, but this is the place i originally wanted to move to as any other teenager did in the early 90's

I am starting to form a timeline of sorts in my head tho, that in of itself is progress. I think

changes

“The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have it yourself.”

For the past three years I seem to have been stuck in a rut. You see, I am intensely a creature of habit; I crave stability and avoid change at any cost. So a few years back, when my life changed I did everything possible to come to this safe and familiar place in which I was living comfortably and had no need to challenge myself. As long as nothing changed, I was happy.

I did made plans for going back to school, for moving away, I even went as far as giving my notice at work. But somehow nothing ever happened. Because talking about changing and actually changing is not the same thing. I think how it works is, by talking about making changes and moving on, it helped me create an illusion that I was in fact moving on.

The time has come, I feel like everyone around me has moved on and I can’t be the only one to stay static. There are many things that need changing in my life and now I am resolute in making it happen.

I have many ideas in my head, a lot of things I want to do, many directions I want to follow. I need to sort everything out and come up with a realistic plan and timeline. This won’t be easy but I have to do it, at this point it’s not a matter of choice anymore.

I plan on updating this blog more often as I’ll use it as a tool to keep me in check and maybe track my progress. One of the things I want to do right off the bat is my 101 in 1001 list. So look for that soon and check back if you want to join me on my journey.

Good night